Suck My Gillette Mach 3 Nitro Power Mega Razor
6 Years ago in a super market in Guatemala I brought a Gillette Mach 3 razor. And since then have been a convert. Converted in a way that is unusual - the adverts really do live up to he product.
Ask any man who has moved to the GM3 (As its called in high-tech barbershops the world over) and if they tell you:
"Using the Mach 3 was not a paradigm shifting experience that redefined my own understanding of the term "close shave" and I will never use one again"
Then, they are a liar.
It is that good. Men the world over know that. Its so good that the blade are the most stolen items in supermarkets and RFID tags are being used on these first. Sales pitch over, the GM3 is the big dogs kahunas.
In our Bigger Faster Better consumer culture it wasn't going to be long before the GM3 was usurped, either by Gillette or Wilkinson Sword or maybe Superdrug own brand (hmmmm..). And so... in a fanfare of TV ads, the Gillette Mach 3 Power Nitro was released. I waited over a year before I got one.
Notwithstanding my conviction in the GM3, the 'Nitro just seemed, a con.
"Just 'coz it vibrates, it don't make it better" Is an adage my old scoutmaster used to say. I thought he was right about 'Nitro.
Today I got one in the post. It looked like an alien sex machine. Even with my scepticism about its performance, looks-wise, this baby cruised in the outer lane of the facial hair highway. I had a shave. I wont go into to much detailed or prose, even with the gentle buzzing, it was after all, just a shave.
ANd you know, It was the closest shave I have had. It was so close that I look 3 weeks younger and feel more confident around women.
As I write this coda to a blog post somewhere in cyberspace, I should feel happy. Glad that I was not conned. Content that I have one of the smoothest faces in the room (for at least the next 2 hours until the hair grows or the Avon lady calls). Satisfied that product and placement can become well acquainted. But I don't really. I feel as if I am on a plateau.
That even when they bring out the "'Nitro Nano Mach 3 Plus" in 5 years all achievements made will be facile. Yes, its closer. "Whateva".
Now its closer than it was. And before was close enough. Stop telling me I need a smoother face. I don't need closer. I need cheaper. I want blades that don't have an 800% markup. I want blades that don't cost more than an MP3 player on Ebay.
Ohhh it is nice though.....
Postscript:
I have just pasted this into the blogger window to send.... and I think.... I need a picture of the Nitro. So I do an image search and **** me in the *** with a **** if there isnt now the Mach 3 Fusion Power with 5 Blades!! FIVE ******* Blades.
You utter *****.
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