Salted Movie Reviews

Whilst on my fortnight trip to Sri Lanka I made full use of the country's remarkably tolerant interpretation of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act and watched many many DVDS which I will review. But rather than review each one with the normal prose and draw I think I’ll just save my time and yours with some potted, in-a-nutshell, oneline minimalist uber synopsis mini bullet reviews, ordered in terms of best first. The list goes a little something like this:

  1. Apocalypto - He may be a neo-Nazi-alco-fascist but Gibson’s Mayan epic really blew me away. Just fantastic. It twists and turns and races away with an authenticity that is hard to find in similar “exotic” movies. I mean, it may not have been anything like that 500 years ago in Central America, but this film makes you totally believe it was. Great acting. Great Great Great.
  2. The Queen - Touching in a way I never expected Her Majesty to touch me. Now wash your hands, Lizzie. Really liked this but can't really say why. It was well acted, had a great script, was very relevant to my time and country and all in all was a well directed and edited film – actually that must be why I liked it.
  3. Rocky Bilboa - An orgasm of nostalgia. The first three quarters are like a reflection on ageing and life and death that could end up making you vomit. But the movie managed to steer a well crafted course, avoiding such regurgitations. The last part of the film is a full on fist-fest and the ending is unexpectedly unremarkable. This film could have been so bad in many ways, but it isn’t.
  4. Miame Vice – Great action movie that makes me want to go and work in the South Florida vice unit. It has a fair amount of substance, great visuals, lots of excitement, good baddies and good goodies and all in all a nifty, sexy, fast-paced action movie.
  5. Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny – I quite like listening to Tenacious D’s music. It's very much for boys, not girls, and boys who like rock at that. Their fist movie is the film version of the albums, and as a modern rock musical, it's stomping. As a film you care about… mehhh… not so much. Quite Zappaesque, very silly.
  6. Man Of The Year – Not a bad film, but it should have been a classy, modern, post-West Wing political commentary and it fails. They add this intrigue and conspiracy and bad guys aspect it gets in the way. It’s a good vehicle for Williams but that’s where the good times get bland.
  7. For Your Consideration – This film is made by the people who made Spinal Tap, my favourite film until Team America came along. I liked A Mighty Wind and Best in Show so much, but this film sadly doesn’t come close. I felt I should have loved it but I didn’t really even rate it. Shame. I think the biggest failing is that the characters lacked that reality that they have in the other films buy the Spinal Tappers.
  8. Smokin Aces – Very much in the Get Shorty kind of hyper complex show-off sense. Really quite crap. Tries too hard. Get back to the yard.
  9. Beerfest - Genius concept; Fight Club with Beer Drinking Games. The actuality - The worst film made for a long long time. Insulting to so many things in a way so unremarkable it insults the notion of the insult. Maybe there are two funny scenes in it, maybe not. But nothing is that funny. If you like this movie then I don’t like you.