Bad Times, a Letter to Muji
To:Customer Services
Muji Europe Holdings Limited
8-12 Leeke Street
London
WC1X 9HT Dear Sirs/Hunnies,I have long been a fan of Muji's functional minimalism. I believe your pencil cases are the stationary equivalent of a Zen Koan, and for this I thank you.However, this festive season you failed me, and, in a deeper sense, you failed yourselves.I received two Muji gifts from Santa, a pumice stone and an Egg Timer. The pumace stone was a well cut piece of solidified pyroclastic froth that will perform adequately upon corns and dry skin (which I currently dont posses). The egg timer leaves me with an incredulous sense of despair at your quality control. Both the package and the device specify it is a 3 minute egg timer but, after multiple tests, including the one on this youtube video, it saddens me to say the timer times a period of 2 minutes and 56 seconds.I hope you will agree that a four second error is simply not acceptable when determining such relatively short metrics.I like this egg timer, it looks good, and, before realising the temporal blasphemy this timer commits every time it times, I was going to carry it around with me to time things. This is no longer possible.I am sure you will refund me whatever this item cost, but I don't want that. I want a either a three minute Muji egg timer that times for three minutes exactly, or twelve Muji egg timers with an error margin of no more than five seconds in either direction. This latter option provides the possibility that when needed I can use all twelve timers and average out the result. Thus, we would hope, achieving something like accuracy.My address to send either one accurate, or twelve inaccurate, Muji egg timers is:******************************Once recvived I hope we can put this malign point in our supplier/consumer Warm regards,Mat.....
To USB a Pirate
I found a USB Key On a memorial bench, overlooking the sea. Contents: Rolling Stone, 500 Greatest Songs of All Time. Who owns these? I found them, are they mine?
Come Back Mickey Rooney
Today I met Mickety Rooney in a lift,
He was smaller than the smallest man ever,
And so wrinkly; like a grumpy mad wallnut,
I asked if I could shake his hand,
And he told me "No, I can't
I've just broken it."
Snap.
Good Docs Just Started Sucking Big Digital...
Way before Google Docs was Google Docs it was called Writely. If you search this blog you will finjd many prasiworthy refrences to it. I was Zelous about it then.
Last week a colleague lost his laptop harddrive and was having tremendous issues getting it all back, a year ago I said "use google docs" and this week I had the chance to say, "If you had been using..."
I' writing my novel, Kingmaker, in Google Docs. Its going very well, I have a single document for the text and google Site for the notes, structure etc. The fact whever I am I can edit a cetrl version with full history is just brilliant. Googl Docs rules! Until about ten mins ago when I was writing away and got this:
Pantaloons!!!!
Thats crazy, I am only at 25,000 words into Kingmaker and it say no!!!!
I guess I'll just have to stop writing and play Fallout 3 instead, until Google can quit with their stupid file size limmit on this. Oh Calamity!
Review Proporta Silicon Soft Touch Ipod Touch Case
I recently was forcibly upgraded to the new second generation Ipod Touch and this time I was determined to keep it as shiny as new; the back is a magnet for scratches.
In order to do this I got myself a new case for it, from Proporta:
I have been using Proporta PDA cases for years, their innovation and customer support is beyond compare. So they were the first choice - I went and got myself their new Ipod Touch dual skin case and a screen protector.
I had a Proporta silicone cases for the first gen Touch, it was good, but wasnt double skinned like this new one.
Its kinda weird- the double skin - you can see in the picture above how the white skin is beneath the outer black skin - the of two-tone-tech-bone aesthetic actually increases the look of the Touch, a feat I never thought possible.
I could probably wax on pretentiously about this for a few more paragraphs, but suffice it to say, its the best case for the ipod Touch.
Check it out at Proporta.com
Is Nick Berry More than We Think?
Today, for reasons unassociated with this moment, I was deconstructing Nick Berry's groundbreaking song, "Every looser Wins," and in it found a depth and poinancy I was genuinly not expecting. Is this a Threnody for the Victims of The Hegemony? I'll let you decide,
Every Looser WinsWe nearly made it
We nearly found the perfect combination
The road was right, we must have read the signs wrong
And now it's all gone
But if we'd made it
Could we be sure that it was for the better
Who could say we would have stayed together
Nothing is certain, in a changing world
Every loser wins, once the dream begins
In time we'll see, fate holds the key
And every loser knows, the light eternal shows
Will shine on you, and all those who knew
We nearly made it
Suddenly we seemed to stop and lose our way
But did it really matter anyway
For that was yesterday
And we must live for now
Coz every loser wins, once the dream begins
In time we'll see, fate holds the key
And every loser knows, the light eternal shows
Will shine on you, and all those who knew
We nearly made it
Stand up and count me
I know you're on my side
Shine down on me
And those who believe
That we can make it
Booootifully Stupid: let's Boycott Bernard Matthews Turkey products just because they must be stupid.
Turkey Twizzler
Today, Bernard Matthews, A new range of turky stuff, You tried to sell me.
But, Bernard Matthews, the name of the range is insane, Are you thick?
What, Bernard matthews, could have led to the Big Green Tick?
Which part of the process of your corportate might
Missed the part about the Turkey's parasites?
The tick?
The tock.
The Penny Drops.
Turkey Drummer
Once I respected you, Though I am not sure why,
You reminded me of an uncle, Wholesome inside.
Bright red cheeks and kinda lame tweed,
Peddling your poultry on my 80's TV.
I wouldn't say I was a big fan, as turkey is kinda dry,
But as Corporate bosses go you seemed my kinda guy,
But you went too far, there is nowhere to go,
There is a big green tick next to big daft bozo.
Family Ipoddery
We have a new Ipod Touch 16 Gigs in the House. It is a thing again of beuty beyond compare. Those billions of you that read thesaltedsolution will know that I was one of the first prosumers to get the Ipod Touch in the UK and now, over a year down the line I still think its just so so so good and getting better.
However since getting a shiny new model and knowing how much it can loose its polish, it is no longer known in the house as the "ipod" but as "mypod."
;-)
Dear Complainers to the BBC
You stupid humourless idiots,
Life is too short for your lameness
I think the pus of your festering pettiness,
Oozes from the fact you're not famous.
(In refrence to compaints against the BBC, Russel Brand and Jonathan Ross complaints)
Google Chrome's Bookmarks
I have been using the fantatsic Google Chrome brosr since it came out, if you havent tried it you really should give it a whirl (Download Chrome for Windows).
One thing that was a bit weird about itb was the Bookmarks handling but now a month or so in, I have to say, I love it.
It is kind of a tool bar/menu bar hybrid that can be set up in many different ways. The reult is that when I started off It as awkward to make sense of comapred to say, the Firefox or Ie systems. But as it tweeks and changes with one's use entire a sub-interface evolves for you.
I would like it to have integration with my cloudbased Google bookmarks, that will surley be in soon.
Try My New Ultra Mobile Game! For Free!
Over the years I have designed a number of computer games. MondoPondo is a multiplayer quiz game with adult Truths and Dares. In fact, MondoPondo Wilde was the World's first computer game for Lesbians. And thats a fact. Its now defunct but Lesbians are going strong. Though not at my parties. Alas.
I designed the vastly underplayed 22Kung (from the blurb:"Use your Monks and all your cunning to capture your opponent's Jade Fountain and become the master in a game that combines the tactical planning of Chess, the simplicity and gameplay of GO and the drama of Kung Fu.") which by now I was hoping to have been bigger than Sudoku and Online Poker combined. I think maybe the graphics could have been a bit better.
And there there was Factland, which I designed a while ago, bought the domian, specced the game and then, stupidly, didn't repurchase. Lesson learnt.
But now I have a new multiplayer game that you can try for free. For reasons of public decency it is only playable by pairs of Male Humans where at least one of the pair is concenting to play. The game, that is causing a stirr, in at least the streets of my mind, is Eyebrow Tennis.
Eyebrow Tennis
How to Play:
As you walk down the street and a man approaches you you must raise your eyebrows. This is your serve and the completion of the game. You must now decide who was victorious:
Winning and Lossing
- If the man replies with a Brow Raise, then you are both winners.
- If the man doesnt raise his eyebrows, then you are both losers.
- If, as you approach, he raises his Brows before you, then he has won.
You will find, as you get better, that there is much skill, subtlety and cunning in the game's tactics.
Not only is this a great new game for all the men of the world to play so that there may be unity and a lasting peace, thus stopping, once and for all, masculine aggression's cancerous hurricane upon humanity and the planet; it is also a Paradox of soritian import.
Money ad Debt
My freind Luke pointed this out to me, its a great video where the content/information/enlightenment is inversly proportionarte to the production valued.
Palindrome
A palindrome is Never odd or even. This is a fact that's weird belivin' Because when you read and both ways see, That final period frames an anisotropy.
The Money Myth Exploded, a great short read.
Watching Zeigtest Adendum got me interested in Banking again. I used to have a skepticism about banks after watching some youtubes on the Federal reserve. But then I listened to a Skeptoid podcast that put over a very convincining arguement for Banks: If it wasnt for banks people couldnt borrow money to do things they cant afford to do at a given time.
I dont think that argument carries much weight now (eg Zopa ) and even if it did, banks are a scam, as this almost kids story really well explains. The prose isnt great but the clarity is fantastic.
The Google Homepage and Google Chrome and our Privacy
If you haven't tried Chrome yet from Google, and you use Windows, you should give it a go. I have been using it since its launch - I was an avid Firefox 3 user, but Chrome is just simpler, faster, safer, smoother and, well... better. Its quite a revolution in browser architechonics, baby.The Google HomepageAnd once you have Chrome installed you might like to see how its new Java Script engine handles your own perosnalised Google Homepage. This homepage comes over as a super-useful set of web applciations and content sources that you can chop and change to your heart's content. Replete with huge amounts of integration into the other websites, it is, prima faciae, the perfect portable preferenceable personal portal to "The Cloud". However, this is not the case.The Google Homepage is in fact a Hegemonic Honeytrap designed to analise and scrutinise and prioritrise (by their priorities, not yours) your life as a digital prisoner in the guilded penitentiary of the aforementioned Hegemony. Your entire psychometic and cognitive patternality is constantly being syphoned off your online life, via your Google Homepage and past, through stegonoinformatic internet tunnels into The Dark Cloud (Yes, the same "Dark Cloud" as used by the CIA, ASDA, and Interpol)
If your kewl with that, it;s well worth using. Oh, and it works really well on the Iphone/Ipod Touch so that even when you're out and about everything about YOU is recorded in various senses, for YOUR protection from purchsing the wrong products.I'm actually pleased that I am so DEEPLY suckered into this fuctional funfare of faux favors because I know that at some point in the future The Google will be able to "help" me. They haven't yet, and let's hope they don't (Or is it do?) but soon they will realise the value TO US of the data they clandestinely have been sucking FROM US for over the last three decaces and they will realise they will be able to SELL US this information that they BORROWED WITHOUT TELLING US and, moreover, we will be happy with this.I really don;t mind running headlong into a total surveillance society so long as:But, before The Google totally gets into massaging the flows of humanity and intelligence I wish they would allow you to add a Gadet get to your homepage for reading emails from an alternative Gmail account. Thanks in advance.
Amila's Wedding Photo's
Salted Review : The Advent 4211 XP Netbook
Ten days ago I got one of the new Advent 4211 netbooks from PC World. Its a great little bit of tech, one that may have got me out of my ipod touch induced tech review writers block. Ive had a fair bit of tech through my hands since my Toch arrived, but none of it inspired.
But this tiny laptop is small and nifty. Its not tiny, I used to one of those tiny Sony Vaios that came out 6 years ago, and now, that would not be tiny. I would say it about half the size of the bible, or, If your a devil worshipper, a quarter necronomicaon. As you can see from this pic:
It runs windows XP, has a new spritely and mobile Atom processor, a gig of ram and 80 gigs of hard drive. For most people, it will do everything you ever want to do on a laptop.
I think it would be great for kids too, as if it gets crushed, lost its not too much of a disaster. Or if the cat does what my cats do, prompting the purchase of this very laptop, and thus this very review.
As a media player the screen is great, we have been watching it in bed lots... but the speakers are pretty crummy.
Battery life is good - im getting a couple of hours with WiFi on.
Conclusion
I had a look at a lot of these new format laptops both online and in PC World and online again, and The Advent 4211 is, IMHO, the best of the bunch so far and great great value at £269.
Conclusion
I had a look at a lot of these new format laptops both online and in PC World and online again, and The Advent 4211 is, IMHO, the best of the bunch so far and great great value at £269.
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