This blog is not art, nor science, nor literature, nor tech. It is growing ever more into a platform for me to show what a duplicitous turncoat I am. Examples:
- My vacillatious affair with Writley (whom, as Google Docs, I have now taken as my bride).
- My bullcharge into the heart of 91 1 Truth…and hasty retreat to the pleasant pastures of conspiracyless normality.
- My proclamation that to be phished you must be stupid and then subsequently being Phished, was perhaps the apex of my deep inner hypocrisy.
In February 2006 I posted this review of the Gillette Mach 3 Power Nitro.
And in it I derided the potential for further development in the shaving domain. Then, as I posted I found out about a new Gillette, the Mach 5 Mega Laser Razor. I can’t actually remember the proper name, but that’s not important. So, the new razor was out before I had posted the blog post about the last new razor.
I was miffed, and a little part of me (My Dignity) made a pact with another little part of me (My Rationality) never to suckle upon the corporate salami of Gillette’s relentless drive into absurd marketing ploys.
That’s the thought provoking intro over with…
Roll back three weeks. I needed some new blades for my 8 month old Gillette. I went to Ebay. I brought some. They were the wrong kind, these were for the new Gillette that I assured myself I would never get. But now I was trapped. I had inadvertently signed a pact with the close-shave devil, and thus was forced to buy the actual razo.
Yes, I was hoodwinked into this turncoatery but, my dear reader, I am sure you agree it would be wrong for me not to review the aforementioned hateful implement. I may have done my self in the razor ‘rongun, but you guys deserve this self-sodomised review.
If I die today the revelations of this post will be my Magum Opus. This new blade hasn’t only taken me closer, its taken me deeper…. into a very important aspect of my life.
Before we continue…
Ladies, I love you all, but this post is strictly for men. Do not read this if you are easily offended by distilled masculine conversation or references to male grooming. I just found this website, http://www.damegames.com/, so go play some girly games there until the shoe-shops open and leave the rest of this post for the dudes.
The Review (Men Only)
Gillette have skipped the 4 blades and made that evolutionary step into The Fifth Blade. Five blades, aligned so close together - and so sharp - that you can almost feel the cells gracefully part between the metal. It vibrates, as did the previous Model. The vibration feels good but I am still an outsider on if the vibe is actually good for the shave’s effectiveness. It’s a moot notion that will no doubt perplex razologists for aeons.
On the back of the razor head is a sixth blade. The sixth blade, much like the sense equivalent, is very handy if you have it but you wouldn’t expect to need it. It is angled perfectly to get that bit where your nose joins your top lip (Phew! Good job there are no women reading this bit, they would be sooooo lost) and it just does the job.
The blade feels good, looks that weird Alienware spooky but is ultimately a nice objet d’consumption.
I have been using it for three weeks – the shave has stayed nano close and though it irks me to admit it, its great. It really is a bigger jump between this and the last one than the last one and the penultimate
Post review Deconstruction of the previous review’s core premise.
I don’t feel as turncoat in this sense because I like the new blade(s), or because I showed blogbased exasperation at my first encounter with it. The reason for the anisotropy of my opinion is that I am forced now to embrace the endeavor to perfect the razor.
Millions… billions is spent on the evolution of the razor. I have been one of the no doubt millions of people who have seen 3 blades, or 4 or 5 and winced at the ridiculousness of it. And yet, the fact remains that new stages in razor development are self-experimentally better than the last.
And you would expect this, all this investment would not work if the results were not a discernible improvement. I remember when I first had a shave in a mach III and I know many friends and family members - including my wife ;) - who swear by the thing.
This fact is incontrovertible. I wont be there in 40 years with my grandson saying “Son, in my day shaves were closer…”
Millions may be dying of famine and disease. We are rubbing Carbon salt into the planet’s wounds. Even more people, every day, experience their WiFi drop out. These issues are not exclusive. They don’t mean we cant waste at least a few billion squid and scientists brain cells on the perfection of the razor.
The Future Of Humanity
As a baseline for technological evolution I propose the razor, being a device or method for the removal of body hair. The litmus test for the relentless march of the tech. To measure progress by numbers is to overlook progress’s intimate effects on culture.
Shaving is so very human. It is functionally pointless but important. It effects how others see us, how we see ourselves and importantly how we feel ourselves. To shave is to live.
Keep an eye on the shelf and a finger on your cheek
Perfection of the Razor
A task so meaningless it is significant.
The smoothness of a strangers face.
The muddy roots of the lotus.
The glide. The cut.
The lines that grow until we die.
Shatter shell and Cutthroat angles.
One blade, two blade, three blade,